Princess Aurora and Prince Philip

Friday, April 30, 2010

Exhaustion grips me as i am punching in every alphabet, every key. i thought i had abandoned the idea of loneliness, because i had embraced solitude as a sign of strength. but i should have known better. strength will never be rooted in this debilitated soul of mine. now that these hateful feelings have returned to taunt me, they seem so familiar, as though they are escapees from a forgotten dream. It is during times like this that i think about what it means to have zero expectations of others. sometimes i also think about cynicism and whether or not such dark thoughts are inherent or were they discovered by the parts of the heart that were brutally abused or betrayed. perhaps reliance has always been the the puppeteer. but intricately intertwined with those strings are masters of abandonment and despair, sadness and withdrawal. so what distinguishes dependence from yearning, and yearning from love? someone once said, the more you give, you more you expect. so the strings simply get tightened and more tangled? perhaps.

It's a beautiful disguise.

Friday, April 09, 2010

It's been more than a month since I've been here, and the last time I entered, I was determined to have this place stagnant forever. There are too many shameless revelations about this world that I just had to stop myself from exposing them further. Hideous truths should be banished to the forgotten places so that us humans can continue living our lies. But tonight I fail to challenge the grotesque thoughts that possess me now, thus finding myself falling victim once again to the insidious ways of the mind.

The carnal obsessions we so shamefully worship, arent they merely the manifestation of our greed? Our temporal desires - they are but cheap means of indulgence. What defines sensual love from vulgar, lascivious immorality? In our haste to discover the worldly possessions one may own from exploring bodily excitement, the deep-rooted attachment in which affection is thus developed from is compromised.

Ah, affection. It is taken for granted. And more often than not, it is abused. I really like this strong connection I feel with people sometimes, but that connection usually proves itself sinister. Because one is experienced, and one knows what to expect from a particular speech or behaviour to that person, hence one builds on that connection and performs to his advantage. And so that affection that is displayed - is it genuine then? Or when one is used to the gift of another person's affection, one tries too hard to command that affection (or love) and adopts an ambiguous behaviour or even tells untruths, in the hope that he will be pardoned, if he doesnt manage to escape punishment. One may claim to be merely protecting the interests of the other and hence, "in all due respect", feed pretense. Honestly, I'm not a fan of elusive people. And by feeding pretense, one becomes elusive. Puzzling maybe? But I'd think more of slippery, even shifty.

I could never fathom those people who do or say things for the sake of achieving that outcome. In my opinion, such things are odious. Especially when those words serve the sole purpose of deceit in pretense.

Tonight I think about what's true and what's untrue. Or maybe, something that is true in itself is already unimaginable, and has the most elusive existence ever.

It's a beautiful disguise.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

goodbye, world. you bring nothing but despair.

It's a beautiful disguise.

Monday, February 15, 2010

such a beautiful sight then, when it flew away. let's throw it to the shadows of regret and start again?

It's a beautiful disguise.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

i hate you.

It's a beautiful disguise.

Friday, February 05, 2010

You know I'm crazy for you.

it's feb already ?! and so my precious friends have enlisted, new found bald pride yes and just as im typing this NGYUHUI JUST CALLED OMG !! life in there sounds really exciting :D :D yayyy miss you already yuhui, have funnnnnnnnn (:

i've been so crushed by exhaustion lately, it's pretty cool actually, getting up at 6am and returning home at 10-ish 11, sleeping at 1 everyday and it's been this way for quite some time now. not exactly mundane, it's quite thrilling actually, fulfilling too. glad it's gonna stop next week though, before it gets mundane, just the right dose of busy life i'd say. it's like clock-work, and im trying to keep it going all the time, but honestly, i dont know how much longer i can keep this act together.

It's a beautiful disguise.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Do you remember?

I noticed pooh seated next to the washing machine, clean from its most recent bath. It was smiling still, even with the brand new scar slashed across its forehead. i know what you're thinking. another wound indeed. the white cotton insides were exposed and the skin around the area was crying out to be stitched back together again. pooh has had enough wounds and stitches for a 12 year old. i had just given it good stitches on its chest and leg last week and now its head is torn. what a sight to return home to after a painful day. when i hugged it today it seemed to have shrunk from when i was 5. i need to wrap pooh in plastic, so i can keep it clean without having to painfully send it to the wash, knowing it'll just come back to me with even more cuts and wounds. yet even with the countless stitches on its back, limbs and head, pooh still smiles. not the same smile though. the right side of its mouth droops now, which reminds me, i havent sewn that part back. nevertheless, it's a smile. it's strange how pooh always evokes such thoughts in me. because i am reminded of the harsh reality of how the most beautiful disguises will never be decoded by those who look but do not see.

Yes used to get whatever I wanted. they either came easy, or i'd fight till i had my way. but why does everything slip by me now? is it merely a case of clumsy hands or the problem of a lack of spirit? because ever since i bore my soul to the winds it never came back.

It's a beautiful disguise.

run, run as fast as you can, you cant catch me, im the gingerbread man !
to my gingerbread man, good luck for your race later, i know it's gonna be a breeze for you (:

It's a beautiful disguise.